Jil McIntosh: Rude, Lewd & Tattooed

Hey, Tim Hortons, how Canadian are you?

Someone gave me a couple of mugs at Christmas from the ubiquitous coffee giant. They're very nice mugs - they hold a goodly slug of my nightly chamomile tea, they're very colourful, and they're emblazoned with all the things near and dear to a Canadian's heart: the maple leaf, a friendly "Welcome Home" slogan, and of course the familiar Timmie's logo.

And they are made not only of china, but they are made in China. (Try to look surprised.)

Now, I understand that you, Tim Hortons, cannot buy Canadian-grown coffee. But why can you not buy Canadian-made coffee mugs? If you are such a proud Canadian company, bombarding us with advertisements that show Canadians trudging through the snow to your outlets, and a dog that's trained to get his master's morning brew, and temporary trailers overseas serving Timbits to our armed forces, why can't you source the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of mugs you use and sell right here at home?

Proudly advertise that your mugs are made in Canada - giving some jobs to people here, so they can afford to buy your product - and people may be willing to pay a buck or so more for them. Or if they aren't, dip into that 40% profit boom you advertised last quarter to offset the difference. My road - indeed, my country - is littered with your paper cups. The least you could do is give something back to us.

Why are people such pigs?

That's an insult to the pigs, frankly. I have just returned from the grocery store where, as has happened so many times before, I have reached for something on the shelf and noticed an empty coffee cup there. (Those who drink at Tim Hortons seem to be the worst for it; is there something in that company's coffee that chews up brain cells?)

There are two garbage cans outside the store. There is one inside the entrance to the store. There is one beside the to-go food kiosk. There are trash cans behind every checkout, where the clerk will gladly take your cup for disposal. But no, the world revolves around you, and so you neatly place your empty cup on the shelf, like the brain-dead moron that you are.

When did this crap start? Are all of you such mindless sheep that you see one cup and figure hey, that's a good idea?

Cups on the store shelves, cigarette butts thrown out of car windows or flicked on the sidewalk, litter left wherever its owner decided would be a good place to drop it ... I'm fed up. I'm told I need to protect the planet for the next generation. Well, to hell with the next generation. If this is what people want to do, they don't deserve someone looking out for them and their environmental well-being. I don't know if it was because your parents always picked up after you, or if your mothers smoked while you were in the womb and it fried what few brain cells you seem to possess, but smarten the hell up. The rest of us are not your maids. If you're as goddamn smart as you seem to think you are, prove it.

Franklin-Christoph: A very impressive fountain pen

I'd only heard about North Carolina-based pen company Franklin-Christoph through Pen World magazine, but I loved the look of its Model 25 Eclipse - a neat little nib, an elegant body and the part that really caught my eye, a cap that slips under the clip for writing.

The company only sells directly to the public, and I hadn't seen the pen in person or written with one. But you never know until you try, I thought. I'm glad I took the plunge. The company's customer service is excellent, and best of all, the pen is lovely. The ink flows immediately and it writes like cream. Go over to the company's site and check it out for yourself.

Like to travel? Tell Footcircles!

My good friend Jeff Voth has a website, Footcircles, dedicated to travel - and who doesn't like to travel? He encourages people to share their travel experiences with others and to enjoy reading about where others have been. It's a great site with some great photos, too. Visit it by clicking here.

A happy 2012 to all!

Back when I was a teenager, I used to bug my uncle about how he wasted New Year's Eve: he'd have his dinner, watch a movie on television, and then go to bed about 11 p.m.

Tonight, I'll probably celebrate New Year's Eve the same way I have for the past four or five years. I'll have my dinner, watch a movie on television, and then go to bed about 11 p.m.

Here's to 2012, and with the hope that it's a good new year for all of you. Thanks for visiting!

Location, location, location ...

What is it with companies that apparently have little or no business sense? I'm currently writing an article for Autos that lists designated driver services across the country - you know, the people who get you home safely after you've had too much Christmas cheer at the bar.

The big question is this: where is "home?" So far I've checked out about 30 sites via a Google search, and I'd estimate that at least a quarter of them never bother to tell you exactly where they're located. Contact us and we'll send you a driver, they trumpet - except that I don't know if they're in Fort McMurray or Fort Lauderdale.

Folks, this shouldn't be this difficult. Once you've paid for the web hosting and maybe paid the web guru to set it up, pay a little more for the extra pixels to put your location on the screen. Advertising only works when we know we can use your service.

An open letter to Rick Perry, "Man of Faith" ...

Dear Mr. Perry,

I saw the anti-gay, pro-religion video you made for your presidential campaign. You certainly do tell it like it is. So perhaps you will indulge me while I do the same.

Thanks to various marriages, divorces and remarriages - all of them good heterosexual church weddings - I have brothers and sisters who are not related to each other. In fact, I have siblings I have never met. My father was so dedicated to the faith that he left his youngest daughter in a string of foster homes and state institutions while he went out to bring others to his savior. My little sister is dead now. She turned to alcohol and drugs to get through it, and contracted AIDS through needles. I only hope her daughter can be strong enough now to deal with it.

When I was a child, I was sexually assaulted on a regular basis by a man who hated gays and thought highly of the Bible.

My friend's daughter is the only child in her classroom who is still living with both of her parents.

My memory isn't always as sharp as it used to be. So remind me again: exactly how are a minority of men and women who love others of their own sex going to destroy "family values"? I seem to have forgotten. 

Pens are best - BMW says so!

I don't usually get pen-related press releases from automakers, but a recent one from BMW made me sit up and take notice. The company actually surveyed Germans on their pen habits and released the BMW Handwritten Beauty Survey. (The company makes very nice cars, but could use some work on its titles.)

Of those surveyed, 52% overall enjoy writing by hand. Among women, 62% enjoy writing by hand, and 82% are especially happy to receive something handwritten. Among both men and women, only 10.5% believe that an email or text message would make the same impression as a handwritten note.

Among professional groups, public officials rely on handwriting the most, at 62%.

Only 5% of those surveyed reach for a fountain pen when they need to write something, but 57.4% liked the idea of either giving or receiving one as a gift. The numbers were even higher for women alone, who also said they believe handwriting is significantly more attractive when done with a fountain pen.

Liquid ink may even have properties we never imagined. Of those couples still married, more than half said they signed their marriage certificates with a fountain pen. Of those widowed, divorced or separated, 36% couldn't remember what type of writing instrument they used.

That said, when people reach for pens, it's usually a fleeting moment. While only 39.5% prefer to write letters by hand, 89% use a pen for jotting notes as reminders. Despite all the phones, laptops and devices we carry, 71% of people regularly have "something to write with" on them, and 83% of independent professionals rely on pen and paper when they're away from their desks. Electronic may be easy, but ink is inevitable.

Hey, Confederate rebels: Figure out which way is up!

I just spent a few days at an automotive flea market in Pennsylvania, which attracts vendors and buyers from across the United States. Most of them are really nice folks, but a few of them have social ideals that, to put it nicely, don't necessarily mesh with mine.

To that end, several of them decorate their booths with giant Confederate flags. Before you jump on that, yes, I know the flag's history, I know what it is and what it is not, etc., etc. Hell, I'm from the South. But I also know that some of these flag-wavers were using it as shorthand for ideals that definitely don't mesh with mine.

And yet, disgusted as I was, I had to laugh at how many of them I saw proudly flying it upside down. Ya bloody hillbilly, if you're going to put your pomp on the flagpole, you should at least be smart enough to know which way is up. My informal tally was about half of them hanging the wrong way - which is, if you do it on purpose, either a distress signal or a sign of disrespect. Neither one applied here. These folks simply didn't know the difference.

Here's a hint, fellows: the picture here is right side up. I'll leave it up to you to put your heads together and figure out how to tell which is which.

Real customer service: Keep it simple and STFU

Here's my rant for the day: companies that order their telephone service reps to spew verbal diarrhea. I'm sick of it. If you've ever called one, you'll know what I mean. Here's a typical call these days:

Me: My Internet isn't working.

Phone rep: I'm very sorry to hear that, and I do apologize for that. Your business is important to us. I will do everything I can to help solve the problem.

Attention, companies. Here's what I want to hear:

Me: My Internet isn't working.

Phone rep: Let's fix it.

This spew has become so widespread that it's hard to find a company that doesn't use it. It's unnecessary, it wastes time, it's insincere, and it just makes me angrier because I realize the person on the other end of the line doesn't really care about the inconvenience caused to me by the problem I'm reporting. He or she just has to say that because the boss demands it.

Many years ago, my friend was working in the call centre of a large company that rhymes with See-Eh-Eh. She was very good at her job, and she could determine the issue, solve the problem, make the customer happy and then get to the next call in record time. And then the Powers That Be decided that that wasn't enough. If the customer said, "My car won't start," my friend had to say, "I'm very sorry to hear that. I can help you with that," before she could start determining where the car was and how to best get it going again. Once she did that, she had several other canned lines she had to use throughout the call.

Her productivity dropped like a stone. She was still very good at determining the issue, solving the problem and making the customer happy. The problem was that all the crap she had to repeat for each call almost doubled its length.

Companies, listen up. I'm already unhappy because my Internet quit working/my order hasn't arrived/my TV is on the fritz. When I call up, I don't want to have to sit there while your customer service rep (read those words again - customer service rep) repeats some spiel that you think will make me happy. It doesn't. It makes me even unhappier. If I have a choice, it may make me unhappy enough to switch to a company where people talk like people, rather than machines. If my business really is as important to you as your reps say it is, give some thought to treating it that way.

 

Made in Canada: The maple leaf forever

I bought a new pair of shoes yesterday. I got them at Roots, for three reasons: they're comfortable, they look good, and they're made here in Canada.

All of Roots' leather goods are made here. But as I walked around the store, I noticed that the shirts and coats were made in China or India - even though many of them had the word "Canada" or maple leaves on them. And that's not right.

We'll always have offshore products here; that's a fact of life. But I firmly believe that if a product has the word "Canada" on it, or a maple leaf, it must be made in Canada. That includes all the Chinese-made Olympic mittens that were all the rage, and the shirts I saw in Zellers that had big red maple leaves on their tags as if they were sewn over here, and the stuff in the tourist stores proclaiming that the wearer has indeed visited the Great White North.

It should be truth in advertising: if it says Canada, it must be Canadian. When jobs and economic strength depend on domestic manufacturing, it's a slap in the face to see a shirt that simultaneously wears a Canadian flag and a Made in China tag.

My "new" old mechanical pencil ...

 When I was in Vermont a couple of weeks ago (before the flooding), I visited an antique store in Waterbury and found this Wahl Eversharp gold-filled mechanical pencil, which I bought for $6.00.

They're relatively common, but it's a nice pencil, even if I'm still trying to figure it out. I managed to dislodge a piece of old lead in it and the mechanism still works, but I've not yet figured it out. I managed to get some new lead into it and it will write, but the lead is off-center and obviously there's a better way of filling it than the way I'm doing it.

I suspect some of the problem may be that Wahl had refills specific to its products and since the company's no longer around, the leads aren't either. If anyone has experience with these, let me know. I've seen online guides that show leads being filled into the mechanism through a V-shaped slot, but mine doesn't seem to work the same way.

Nib Noise: Great reading for pen collectors

I was just reading the latest edition of Nib Noise. It's an email newsletter that comes from Richard Binder Fountain Pens and it's great reading. If you've never visited Richard's site, do so - lots of pens to buy (and his service is great), but even better, there are pages and pages of great info, including pen history, how the various types of pens should be filled, and how to take care of your pens. Find it all by clicking here.

You Can, But You Shouldn't ...

Baby, it's hot outside!

To all my American friends who think that we live in igloos and wear parkas in the summer here in Ontario - this is the little weather station that I keep on my desk in my house.

Photo taken at 1:10 p.m. on July 21, 2011.

C'mon in, the Aqua's fine!

 The last little while, I've watched with considerable amusement as water moves up into the high-rent district.

Go into your bathroom or your makeup bag, and have a look at the ingredients list on your face cream, body lotion, shampoo or conditioner. The first ingredient is almost always water - that's just how the stuff is made.

But that presents a problem. As more people read labels - no doubt due to those pesky rules about food products - they may start to wonder why they're paying such high prices for the stuff that comes out of the tap. What's the solution? Give water a fifty-cent name, and most people won't mind paying a buck (or $20, or $30 or more) for it!

You Can, But You Shouldn't ...

Here's a hint. If it's not in the King James Edition, and it's not in the dictionary, maybe it shouldn't be on your sign, either.

You Can, But You Shouldn't ...

This is the fountain at Loews, a resort near Las Vegas. It's a beautiful hotel and a lovely fountain. Still, all I can think is ... who really wants to look at a pool full of turtle spit?

Today's headlines: Those what ain't married anymore!

Quite the day for news of no-longer-nuptialled!

First up, Schwarzenegger and Shriver have called it quits after a quarter-century of wedded on-and-off bliss. Arnold's secret to success? Come to America, work your butt off, and marry a Kennedy. Okay, so two of three ain't bad.

Next up, John Cleese is writing an autobiography in the hopes that the advance will be enough to pay off the settlement in a $19.9 million divorce from his third wife. He says he doesn't think anybody's done one like this before. I'm inclined to believe him.

Hey, at least William and Kate seem to have made it through the week ...

 

How to tell you're in the South: Writing paper!

I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina right now. I'm staying in a hotel beside a golf course. There's a six-lane road outside, and across the road is one of those large-store malls that's really only accessible with a car.

I walked over anyway, and found it was the usual: Subway sandwiches, taco places, hair salons, false fingernail shops, movie theatre, couple of bars. And a stationery store. One that sold exquisite papers, had a little room at the back for choosing invitiations, racks of notecards, and some pretty fancy pens. Yes, that's the South - there must be a place to get your thank-you cards and party invites! And from the "stationery bar," printed while I waited, were these great typewriter notecards. I think I like it here.

It's not just a river in Egypt ...

A letter in the most recent issue of Toronto Life magazine has me shaking my head. The magazine previously published an article, The Unaffordable City, on the high cost of living in Toronto and featuring a man who admitted that he spends beyond his means.

And then someone sent in a letter, saying that the article "struck a chord" with the writer, who then went on to say that despite being nearly 30, having a master's degree and living midtown with her fiance (italics mine) ...

"The reality is that our place is a 300-square-foot basement apartment, which costs $900 a month and is blocks from the closest subway station. I make $45,000 a year in a sales job that has me working 50-plus hours a week, and, because of our credit card debt (which I've tripled in the five years I've lived in the city), we have moved our wedding from Toronto up to Parry Sound, where I'm paying $20,000 for a day that would cost me double that in Toronto."

Some fantastic old pictures ...

One of the sad things about our digital age is that no one is going to come across boxes of our old photos ... which means no one is going to find the wonderful stuff that makes up Black and WTF. Check out this fantastic site dedicated to weird old photos by clicking here.

For horse-racing fans: Man o'War

The big red horse Man o'War was the biggest star in sports in his day, and now the Daily Racing Form has some fascinating information and photos about his death and funeral, attended by some 2,500 people. There's also footage of the horse, with quality far beyond what I'd expect for its age. You can see it all by clicking here.

Some sites for fountain pen fans ...

I have some links to sites that pen fans shouldn't miss!

First up, there's the London Pen Club, in London, Ontario - find them by clicking here.

And on top of the site, the London club has a blog - find it by clicking here.

And then all the way out to the west coast - check out the Vancouver Pen Club by clicking here.

I couldn't make this up if I tried ...

Believe it or not, he was dead serious ...

Me: "Is that a dark beer?"    

Young man behind counter, "No, ma'am. That's just the color of the bottle."