In the news: Nissan has announced that it will demonstrate its new "All-Around Collision Free" vehicle at the World Congress on Intelligent Transport Systems in New York next week. This slick unit has all the acronyms: BCP (Backup Collision Prevention), SCP (Side Collision Prevention), DCA (Distance Control Assist) and LDP (Lane Departure Prevention).
Basically, the car checks to make sure you aren't changing lanes into the side of another vehicle; that you don't back up into oncoming traffic; it taps the brakes if you're coming up too quickly on the car in front; it makes sure you're staying in your lane; and if you don't, it helps bring the car back over.
Pretty slick stuff, and I'm sure a lot of money was poured into it. But in the interest of safe, low-cost motoring, I've designed my own group of safety acronyms to help get you through traffic with as little rearranged metal as possible. My "Super Safety" car includes PDTGCP (Put Down the Goddamn Cell Phone), AYMP (Adjust Your Mirrors Properly), WWYG (Watch Where You're Going), TDTS (Turn Down The Stereo), LBW (Look Both Ways), and YNTOCOTRSBWPA (You're Not The Only Car On The Road, So Bloody Well Pay Attention).
There. Safe, secure, doesn't need a warranty, and doesn't cost an extra dime. That, my friends, is an Intelligent Transport System.
